Hey GingerSnatch,
I need some advice. My boyfriend and I are taking a break right now from our relationship. I understand why he and I needed some time apart but I am worried that he may be sleeping with other women. Should I rush to get back together with him so that I know he’ll be faithful? And do I even have a right to be upset if he is off sleeping with other people?


Being on a break is very different than being broken up. Breaks are temporary. Break ups should not be. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t get back together with exes and I am obviously not one to judge as I have had my share of repeat business but often break ups are for a reason and if you don’t sort out that reason then you’re doomed to repeat the same crappy relationship mistakes over and over again. I find real breaks are often initiated by one partner because of some isolated reason that the person has to sort out on his/her own. I say “real breaks” because it is sometimes seen as favourable (cowardly in my opinion) to let the person down easy and let the break up masquerade as a break.

So herein lays our dilemma. If you’re actually on a break then it is my opinion that it is not okay for him to go hooking up with people in the interim. A break means time apart, not time with other people. However, if reconciliation wasn’t in both of your minds when you began this break then you’re actually broken up and that means that he isn’t entirely obligated to be faithful to you or you to him. I’m not saying that I endorse these potential actions but if you’re broken up then he can make the choice to go find someone new. The way I say this makes it seems as though it’s a black-and-white situation but in reality there is so much grey area. You’ve got to use both your head and your heart to make this decision on your own.

You also asked if getting back together with him to ensure his faithfulness was a viable idea. Make sure that if or when you decide to get back together that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Don’t get back together with him prematurely just to make sure he doesn’t go and hook up with some strange. This won’t solve your relationship woes. In fact, it may be a one way ticket to a real break up. Work on the reasons why you needed time apart first and then get back to your relationship. The rest of this can be dealt with later on. Don’t waste your precious time with hypotheticals.

If history, and by history I mean prime time television, has taught us anything then it can be possible for you two to work things out no matter what goes down on your break. Even Ross and Rachel ended up back together after Ross slept with Copy Girl. Of course that took several seasons and a baby. So even if he has or will become sexually involved with someone over the course of your break, you don’t have to let it be the end of your relationship. If being together is what you both want then work on it and I’m sure you can both make it happen.